Reflection – Nov 19

Throughout this endeavor, I have had great success in most of the spheres of which I was attempting. However, I found that the goal of Confidence was as arduous a journey as I had feared. I was often unable to meet the expectations that I had set for myself, and was left disappointed in myself.

I knew from the offset that this would be a challenge for me. I have struggled with Confidence for all of my life, though less so this year than previous ones. Even before formalizing my goals for this journey, I had begun the slow process of becoming comfortable and happy in unfamiliar spaces. I believe this to be immensely important to a happy, successful life. I had hoped to hone these sporadic attempts into a more concerted effort. I had some success in this regard, but I could not meet my own expectations.

I do not mean to imply that I had no success in this regard. I have been making small steps, and a few large ones (namely, running Ping Pong Club), but these have been few and far between. My true downfall, with regards to Confidence, was my lack of direction and strategy. For my other virtues, I set concrete goals and stratagems for achieving them. For Confidence, however, I simply told myself that I would try, a vague and rather pointless statement. I believe that, had I had a clearer idea of my goals from the beginning, I would have reached much farther.

My greatest success was in the virtue of Responsibility. Before embarking on this quest for perfection, I often struggled with procrastination, putting off work until the last moment. However, for the past two weeks, I have spent almost every night relaxing for a couple of hours after finishing my work for the day as much as two hours earlier than I had before. For many of the nights, I had little to no work whatsoever, due to my Responsibility earlier in the day. I plan to continue this trend, as I have found that it has a dramatic positive effect on my levels of stress and my mental health.

As for my other virtues, I am satisfied with my attempts. Of the other three, I believe Order was my most lacking in growth. Fortunately, it was also the virtue that needed the least growth, as I never struggled all that much with it in the first place. I did clean and organize my work, but I failed to set any habits of it to help in the future. For Resolution, I met and somewhat surpassed my expectations. Not only did I complete my goal to paint a miniature in the two-week period, it ended up being one of my favorite that I have painted. With regards to Health, I certainly succeeded, but not so much so as I did with Responsibility or Resolution. I believe my success was supremely increased due to the fortune of wonderful weather. I was able to enjoy multiple walks around my neighborhood, and running Ping Pong Club also helped immensely.

Overall, I am happy, though not overly so, with my efforts. I could have worked harder, but I certainly could have been less diligent as well. The purpose of this quest was not to dwell on my failings and go back to my old ways in despair. I shall instead take my successes and capitalize on them, creating habits that will, if all goes well, help me in becoming a better person.