Day 9

Today was a really nice day. I didn’t do a ton and wasn’t super busy and feel like i could have been more productive but honestly not every day has to be super productive.

cleaning: i succeeded in cleaning under my bed and i found a sweatshirt that i’ve been missing for a while so that was joyus. I also succeeded in keeping personal hygiene and keeping my space generally clean and such and i feel like i’ve been on a role with that the past couple of days. Overall i give myself a B+

Resolution: I was like 10 second late to my first class which kinda hurt this mertua today but that’s ok it will happen and i didnt let that hinder the rest of my day. I stuck to what I needed to stick to and didn’t avoid things that I wanted to avoid. overall with a few bumps this day went very well. i give myself a C+

Order: I worked on some more meal prep for the remainder of the week. I’ve found that if I know what I’m doing for food it just takes a lot of stress out of my day and I could see myself continuing this well after we end this project because it seems to be a good way to navigate food as a whole. I give myself a B+

Tranquility: I let myself take time to go slow on the day that I could. I talked to someone who always brings me a sense of calm and is a very sweet and nice person and we watched criminal minds and made really good food and its moments like those that make me feel like life is the best thing in the world. I allowed myself time at night to meditate and reflect on the day without allowing myself to over think i give myself a A-

My own personal boundaries: I was able to keep pretty good personal boundaries with how I felt people perceive me and what I was willing to do and what I was not willing to do and everything. I was supposed to give a buddy a ride when they didn’t show I texted them, gave them 15 minutes, texted them again and moved on. They had gotten a ride from someone else and had forgotten to tell me. When they explained why they weren’t there I asked them to tell me next time so I wouldn’t waste time. This seems like a really simple conversation and situation and such but it was a really big deal to me because I not only didn’t freak out when they did show but allowed myself to explain how their actions had affected me and all that which is a big step that I would have not taken in the past. Overall, I didn’t have to pay too much attention to this virtue today which I think is a good sign because it’s kinda becoming a second nature. i give myself B+

day 8

This was a good day overall I would say in the whole grandiose scheme of things. It was a very moving day that and i felt like i was kinda just going through the motions which always feel nice. I wanted in my head too much and stuck to what I needed to do. I focused on order today and keeping everything organized.

Cleanliness: Not only was i able to keep up with my personal hygiene and such and picking up after life and that was very nice, i also made a good dent in all the stuff that i have shoved under my bed which was very nice and i appreciated it. I give myself an A

order: i kept to the schedule that i set for the day which was what i wanted. I had work and left work on time instead of staying which was very nice and just kept my day moving and organized which was very comforting. Everything had its place and I very much enjoyed that. It felt good. I give myself a A i did really well with this one 

resolution: this was a very good day for my resolution because i casually kept to everything that i needed to keep to did everything that i needed to do with my day and did everything that i said i was going to do with my day which was very comforting. I give myself a B+

tranquility: I found peace in talking to a coworker today about the craziness that is life. It was surprisingly grounding and I enjoyed having that conversation. I enjoy having those types of conversations with people because it is fascinating that each person has a different perspective on life and how they feel about it which I think is very cool and interesting. I also allowed myself time when i got home to just sit with my thoughts for a bit and sit in quiet and think. I give myself a b+

My own personal boundaries: today I was asked to stay an extra hour at work and I said no because I had things to do and felt as though I wouldn’t really have time to get everything done. I am quite a pushover when it comes to working overtime at work so whenever I turn it down I feel a sense of pride that I didn’t have right away and that makes me feel very happy internally. I give myself a A

Day 7

Today had a rough start but it turned around. I woke up with a killer killer headache and for the life of me couldn’t conceptualize time passing. I was pretty late to school because of it but I didn’t want to miss today and eventually the headache subsided so i’m very happy I pushed through. After my headache left it was a good productive day.

Cleanliness: I set out on a mission to go through everything in our bathroom which was a success and to clean all of the doors in our house because those don’t get cleaned very often and doors are icky. I was successful in this and honestly was very happy and proud of the outcome. Along with that I succeeded in my goals in personal hygiene and keeping the space around me clean so I would consider today very successful. I give myself a A.

order: im keeping my order, eating my food, making plans and sticking to them. I’m figuring out where things have places in my life which is nice and im overall doing pretty ok sticking to a schedule throughout the day. Once I got past a very painful morning I was golden and glowing. I give myself a B.

resolution: i did break my goal of being on time to school and was pretty late. We have officially reached a point in the school year where more kids are getting their licences and the east doesn’t have enough parking for everyone and I couldn’t find space to park which was heartbreaking and sad but this is alright. I now know that I will have to be at school earlier if I want a place to park. Other than that I did a pretty good job of doing what i need to do with my day and am pretty happy. I give myself a B-.

tranquility: I was able to keep moving and keep out of my head. Not having a headache after having a headache is very calming and I really enjoy it. I was able to get out of my head and work on the day which was nice. I definitely could have kept better piece with myself but overall I think I did ok. i give myself a B.

Setting boundaries: I didn’t come across many moments where I was forced to set boundaries or have any hard conversations and was overall allowed to be a person and was able to allow myself to be a person but that wasn’t a particular struggle of the day. id give myself a A-.

day 6

today was a hard day but i stuck the my goals pretty well. I couldn’t get out of my head and I made myself be a little vulnerable in order to get that peace. Something that I have attempted to understand is that just because you can explain what you should be feeling and or thinking doesn’t mean that you are actually allowing yourself to feel emotions and stuff. I didn’t get much sleep saturday night do to racing thoughts so i was kinda tired but overall i’m pound. How the day went is how i want hard days to go.

Tranquility: I woke up before work this morning and allowed myself space and time to meditate and be calm and that really helped me through the day when my mind wouldn’t be quiet. I’ve also began watching ted ed videos to calm myself and carrying a round yarn to knit when I get overwhelmed so I can focus my energy away from over analysing which is nice. I give myself a B-

Cleanliness: i made my own personal cleanliness goals for the day, keeping personal hygiene and keeping my space clean and all. I did succeed in going through my book and cleaning the shelf in my room which was nice. I give myself a B+

order: I came home and meal prepped for the week which will allow me to stick to eating what I should and will keep me from needing to worry about food for the rest of the week. The fact that I, for the rest of my life, will need to plan and make a meal roughly 3 times a day for the rest of my life making sure I’m getting proper levels of fat, protein and vitamins and minerals and all of the important things and that scares me so much. It’s a very overwhelming thought. Keeping order and making meals in advance has done alot to calm that anxiety. I give myself a A-

resolution: i made it through the day and did what i need to do. I did the work I needed to do, I felt like the day just kinda flew by though. I give myslef a B+

My own personal boundaries: I was kinda quiet today and wasn’t as spunky as I normally am, and that’s ok. Overall I think I kept personal boundaries and did what I needed to do. I also had a hard conversation with one of my coworkers that i wasn’t looking forward to setting my own boundaries and such so i’m happy I give myself a B+

day 5

I really focused on cleaning today and keepign order in my life and creating a good space for myself and those around me. That seems to be really important as it is an important aspect of my goals. Today was just an overall ok day, nothing out of the ordinary happened. I give myself a B+ average, today wasn’t a. particularly difficult day.

Cleaning: I shot through all of my weekend cleaning to do list which is exactly what i need to do and i kept myself clean which was very good of me, most of the thing i did was just surface level cleaning but doing a deeper clean of everything is something i need to get around to. I think i may make a goal for the rest of the week to

-clean out my closet

-deep clean of everything in the bathroom

-go through my clothes and books and wipe down the entire shelf

-clean under my bed

i’ll make note of how i do with this over the next week

tranquility: i was calm in my being and myself, i won’t lie though i’m starting to internally panic a bit, i’m having some regrets and i’m analyzing the living being out of them. i did a lot to try to keep myself calm including going on walks and stuff and i kept a grip on my thought process

order: I had a calming order to my day, doing what i need to do and not stressing about it is the type of order i would like every single day. I really liked how this day felt and i felt like everything had a place and it felt very calming if i’m being honest

resolution: I did what I said I was going to do today and was kind to myself. The day didn’t require a lot of resolution but i feel ok with this one

boundaries and keeping my peace: i didn’t really see people so how other people affected my peace didn’t completely affect me today, this wasn’t something i had to focus too hard on 

Day 4

So today was a very high anxiety day with a lot to get done.

resolution: This was the goal that I really tried to focus on because I had my ear piercing appointment today. I have issues with needles, things like getting my blood drawn and getting shots scare me so much. Both of my covid shots took like 15 minutes each its a problem. I had my ear piercing appointment and I told myself and my mother that I wasn’t going to freak out this time, I was going to take a few deep breaths and it would be ok and it was. I have never done so well in a situation that I was getting poked in and I remained calm and I thought of this goal while I was getting my ears pierced. It really helped me and kept me on track. I felt so happy and strong.

tranquility: I will say i got done what i needed to get done but i was high stress the entire time. I was snappish and stressed and constantly felt like the day was running so much faster than I was. I didn’t stop to process or think about things as they were happening and was so focused on getting to my next destination and overall was not very peaceful in myself. i give myself a C

cleanliness: i fell asleep in my jeans and a mediocre at best toothbrush job, i kinda just wanted to sleep so cleanliness was not my strong suite today and that’s ok it happens and honestly it was not the most important thing going on today so yay give myself a D

order: i kept alright order, honestly i could have done more prep on day 3 making sure that my day was more ordered and making sure that everything was in place and all of my plans were solid and good but day 3 just wasn’t the day to do that and to a certain extent i think i kept an alright orderly day given life. i give myself a c

i think i’m going to call this officaly setting boundaries and keeping my own peace: i did alright with this today, not as well as i had hoped to do but i didn’t particularly struggle with it today, i communicated what i needed to communicate an the only person disrupting my peace was myself and i didn’t have time to disrupt my own peace. 

Day 3

I was doing well and kicking arse, taking names, being productive and sticking to my goals and then something i wasn’t expecting happened. I got dumped, which is certainly not. The worst thing that could have happened but i’m kinda in a bit of a shock. I haven’t been in a relationship for too long, only a couple of weeks and I kinda just sat and processed for the rest of the day.

cleanliness: I didn’t do as well at this as i had hoped that i would, i made hot chocolate and left the mug on my desk, and only had it in me to brush my teeth

order: my thoughts are scattered, i’m not feeling very ordered right now because some of my order was taken away and now i’m just kinda lost, maybe that’s not good but it how i am right now i give myself a C+

tranquility: given that i was just dumped i’m remaining calm and relitively good in my being i guess i’m going to really need to focus on this one the next couple of days. I give myself a B+

resolution: well i wasn’t late to anything and i took all of my vitamins. lost in what i should do, i don’t know what there is to do i give myself a B

human: well i wanted to ask more questions of people today, and to be upset but i was really anxious and felt like everyone was staring at me and felt like i couldn’t be a person comfortably. I didn’t focus on positive self-talk and I let my decisions regarding my wellbeing and contentment be defined by what I thought others wanted. I didn’t do great here. But thats ok, i don’t think i want to grade this one today

Day two

So today was going well, then i learned some not so great news about my health i’m going to need to make some long term changes to my diet and overall existence. I’ve thought about just stopping going to the doctors, nothing good happens there. But i feel like i reacted alright to it and

Cleanliness: I kept myself and the space around me pretty clean. I did have a ton of time to do any crazy level of cleaning but I succeeded in picking up after myself and keeping myself clean. i’ll give myself a B

resolution: I think that the changes that i’ll be making to my existence fall well under here so i may start holding myself accountable under this concept. I got everywhere I needed to be on time and found solutions to problems that came up as they came up. Im pretty ok with how i did this today, i give myself a B

tranquility: Even though I learned what I didn’t let it affect how I felt about my day. I was able to go home and do what I needed to do and simply continue on with my day. I give myself a A

order: i kept to what i needed to do and filled out my planner. I was able to approach the day with my goals and feeling ok. I give myself an A

Human: I did really well today just existing without too much fear of what people thought of me. I just want to get my body and mind back on track but in the whole grandious scheme of things i wasn’t that anxious. I was talkative and joyful. I give myself an A

Day one

so i kinda forgot about sticking to my things today and i regretted it.

Main focus of the day was order and i feel like i did really well in that. My day was pretty full of things to do and I didn’t have much time to think. I scheduled my day so i got in 3 full meals, and was in bed done with all of the things I needed to get done by 10 so in my opinion I feel like I really hit the mark.

Cleanliness: I did well today, i kept trash out of my car and made my bed in the morning, which seems small but it made me feel better about life.

Resolution: i was on time to everything i had today and i even made a phone call that i normally would have put off until last minute. I did everything i said i was going to do

Tranquility: i felt ok about this one, i didn’t let the fact that i had a lot to do get into my head and stayed up beat and on track as the day came and went, i will say nothing out of the ordinary happened so this one wasn’t quite the challenge it may be other days

Human: I casually set a boundary at work with times that i can work and times that i can’t, i didn’t even realize that i had done it until after i did it and thats kind of my goal. This was a really big step for me.

Shoot for the moon, land somewhere other than where i am right now

This is kind of a scary project for me, improving myself is something i seem to always thinking about to the point of slight obsession. I’ve talked to therapists, friends, and family members about how I can improve my being and analyzed and re-analyzed and picked apart almost every choice I have made. I panic over imperfections, i’ve asked every single person you can think of what i can do better and how i can be better and in doing so i have sacrificed many parts of myself and annoyed the living daylights out of every one of my friends. Homework is pushed to the side so I can spend hours every single night talking to myself through every choice I’ve made and every thought I’ve thought and how I can fix what often isn’t broken. A goal that I have with this project and something that I admire about Benjamin Franklin’s project and I think is a part of the success that Benjamin franklin was able to achieve was that there is an end. There is a point where you stop analyzing and you make yourself live in your new moral world and I think that having a plan and not changing it is an important aspect of this project for me. The aspects of morality that I plan on working on are cleanliness, organization, resolution, tranquility, and being comfortable being human.

I tend to try to be a clean person, depending on your definition of clean, but there have been times where stale cups of coffee will pile up on my desk for a few days, I leave trash in my car, or forget to wash my face and brush my teeth before bed. I will put cleaning at the top of my priority list, to keep myself clean in my being, and my space in a picked up clean condition. I want to work on organization in my day, going to bed at a set time, having set space and time for meals which is something i have struggled with in the past, and having set time and space to respond to people. I want to work on resolution, doing the things that i say i am going to do. I have a tendency to be flaky and iffy with time, being late and not showing things when I say I will, or not responding when I get the chance. I know it’s rude and that’s why it’s being worked on. I have issues keeping a level head when issues come my way, I obsess over things, making sure I don’t let my own thoughts get in the way of my peace no matter what is going on is going to be an important part of me reaching moral ok-ness. And the last one is a bit less straightforward and I want to spend the next week defining what I mean by allowing myself to be a person without trying to think too much of how others are perceiving while I do that. I want to keep myself from doing things because I think it’s what others expect of me. And with that i don’t have to be perfect in this project, i will make mistakes and my goal isn’t moral perfection it’s something better than what i’m doing right now.